Sunday, July 20, 2008

welcome to hollywood!

The Birdcage was on TV last night. I always stop if I find that movie, mostly because Hank Azaria's character makes me laugh hysterically, but Nathan Lane is pretty hilarious too. Robin Williams is funny, for once, by playing it low-key. The whole movie is an over-the-top parody of the Florida South Beach lifestyle, but funny nonetheless. I suppose they figured that if they got an actual gay man to play the drag queen, it was somehow less offensive. I mean to see La Cage Aux Folles someday, but it's yet to make an appearance in my area.

So from there, I moved on to Pretty Woman. I love that movie. The whole hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold is cliched and overused by now, but at the time it was made (1990, holy cow) it was pretty daring and not yet unoriginal. As I sat there quoting from it, I couldn't help thinking to myself, "Boy, this movie would be a whole lot better if Julia Roberts was a man."

Think about it, Richard Gere picks up a young (legal-aged) kid on the street and takes him home to be his rent boy for the week. Where's the bad there? Especially if the kid was played by, say, Johnny Depp in his post-Jump Street days. Or maybe John Cusack, since he was on a roll with all the Brat Pack films. Hell, even Brad Pitt was making movies back then, as Thelma and Louise could gladly tell you.

Okay, yeah. Let's take Brad Pitt, since this is my blog entry and I get to choose the eye candy. (And since Christian Bale was only 16 at the time, damn.) Imagine Brad telling Richard he doesn't kiss on the lips, and then going down on him. Imagine Richard dressing Brad up in Armani and whisking him off to San Francisco for the opera. And imagine Brad seducing Richard on top of the piano in the hotel bar.


So! If you've got a favorite movie that you're convinced would be better with two boys, feel free to share. Fantasies are more fun when more people know about them. ;)


Anonymous said...

I always thought the Breakfast Club would have been better if Molly Ringwalds character was a guy. ;)

Tory Temple said...

HEH, I never thought of that one, but you're totally right. One of my most favorite movies ever, BTW.

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